Parenting can be both rewarding and challenging for military couples navigating the unique demands of their service. Stressors such as deployments and frequent moves can strain relationships, impacting not only the couple but also their children, who rely on their parents for emotional stability. A strong, supportive partnership provides the foundation for children’s resilience, but when parenting stress leads to conflict or differing approaches, it’s important for couples to work together.
In this Q&A, Ashley Jensen, Senior Manager, Clinical Programs and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, shares how military couples can strengthen their relationship, manage stress, and create a united front to support their family’s well-being.
How does the quality of a couple’s relationship influence their children’s emotional well-being?
John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned psychologists, say it best: You can’t build a sturdy house without a foundation. The foundation for your child’s “house”—or wellbeing—is your relationship with your significant other. Research has shown that kids who grow up with parents who like each other and have fun together generally have better long-term life outcomes. We, as parents, build sturdy foundations for our children by providing emotional and physical stability and safety. That safety comes, in part, from modeling effective communication skills, prioritizing connection, and weathering the hard parts of life together.
What are some strategies couples can use to manage their own stress while modeling healthy behaviors for their kids?
Look, parents carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Parental guilt and worry are something that all parents experience. The important thing to remember is that kids are resilient, and we don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parents for our kids—we just need to do our best and seek support. Co-parents are the first level of support to each other during the tough times. Here are some strategies I have found helpful:
- Recognize signs of stress within yourself and practice your own emotion regulation. Do you need to breathe deeply? Go for a run? Make an action plan with your partner for when things are getting hard.
- Practice open communication. Talk openly and honestly about your feelings and needs. Practice active listening and try to understand each other’s perspectives.
- Give and take breaks. You’re a team! Find ways to take the pressure off each other when it’s needed most. Be comfortable asking for help and look for signs of overwhelm in your partner.
- Recognize the small wins and practice gratitude. Thank your partner for the small ways he/she contributes. Reflect on the good things that have happened within your family and dream big for the future.
Brain-Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke has fantastic strategies for regulating your own emotions during the hard parts of parenting any age.
For more expert insights and practical strategies on how couples can navigate military life as a team, visit cohenveteransnetwork.org/couples.