Strengthen Your Connection as a Military Couple

Love In Action Checklist:

Each section explores key areas of connection that are essential to a healthy partnership. Use this self-assessment to identify areas where you can grow and improve together. If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, explore the corresponding Challenge for practical strategies to strengthen your relationship.

1. Caring Behaviors: Do I neglect to show kindness and appreciation to my partner regularly? Do I take my partner for granted or forget to regularly engage in simple acts of kindness toward my partner? Am I often too busy or distracted around my partner?

2. Conflict Resolution: When it comes to disagreements, do we get stuck or avoid resolving issues?

3. Individual Accountability: Is it hard for me to take responsibility for my part in disagreements? Do I often feel the need to “win” an argument or “be right”?

4. Willingness: Do I resist change in my relationship and avoid trying new things with my partner?

5. Communication: Do I find it hard to discuss important things with my partner? Do I feel dismissed or shut down by my partner? Do I shut down or dismiss my partner?

6. Consistency: Can I be unreliable when it comes to supporting my partner?

Caring Behaviors

• “Catch and Tell” – Throughout the day, note and thank your partner for kind actions they do, big or small. This could range from making coffee to sending a thoughtful text.
• Leave a Surprise Note – Write something sweet or encouraging and leave it where your partner will find it. If they’re away, mail it or leave a voice message they can listen to later.
• Cuddle or Hold Hands – Physical touch releases oxytocin and boosts intimacy. If you’re apart, send a voice message expressing love and support within comfort zone.

Why It’s Valuable for Your Relationship: Consistently showing kindness and gratitude nurtures the connection between you and your partner. Small acts of care promote a positive atmosphere, making both partners feel appreciated and valued in the relationship.

Why It’s Valuable for You Personally: Expressing gratitude and kindness naturally boosts your mood by triggering the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin. Focusing on the positive aspects of your partner and relationship teaches you to look for the good, even during stressful moments. This shift in mindset can alleviate frustration and foster feelings of emotional warmth and contentment. People are often on their best behavior initially in relationships, engaging in lots of overt and explicit acts of kindness. However, over time, we begin to take one another for granted and gradually stop doing the nice things that brought partners together.

Conflict Resolution

• Agree on a Conflict Plan – Discuss how you will approach conflicts moving forward (e.g., take time to cool down, use a calm tone). the key is slowing down the interaction as things escalate quickly when we’re upset.
• Reflect on Past Conflicts – Privately reflect on how you’ve handled disagreements in the past. What could you do differently?
• Compromise Challenge – Identify a small issue and brainstorm solutions together. Practice finding middle ground.

Why It’s Valuable for Your Relationship: Learning to resolve disagreements respectfully ensures that challenges are addressed without damaging trust. Constructive conflict resolution prevents issues from lingering, helping the relationship grow stronger and healthier over time. It’s not about who “wins.”

Why It’s Valuable for You Personally: Handling conflicts calmly and constructively helps you build emotional resilience and reduce anger or frustration. It allows you to focus on solutions rather than being stuck in negative emotions. With healthier conflict resolution, you’ll experience more peace, making room for joy and satisfaction in your relationship and personal life.

Individual Accountability

• Identify One Behavior to Improve – Reflect on something you can do better in the relationship (e.g., listening, showing affection). Share it with your partner.
• Apologize or Acknowledge – Take responsibility for one action or mistake from the past week. A sincere, heartfelt apology or acknowledgment with a focus on positive growth builds trust and shows accountability.

Why It’s Valuable for Your Relationship: Taking responsibility for your actions creates a foundation of trust and fairness. When both partners take ownership of their contributions, it prevents blame-shifting and builds a sense of mutual respect and partnership. Also creates a foundation for having more positive future interactions, especially about more difficult or emotionally-charged topics.

Why It’s Valuable for You Personally: Accountability empowers you to focus on what you can control, which can feel freeing and reduce feelings of helplessness. Recognizing and improving your own behaviors enhances self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Taking control of your actions and apologies clears the emotional slate, easing conflicts and leaving you feeling more peaceful and balanced.

Willingness

• Personal Reflection – Spend 15 minutes journaling or thinking about what you bring to the relationship. What are your strengths, and where can you grow?
• Try Something New Together – Step out of your comfort zones as a team, like trying a new activity or cuisine. Growth often happens in new experiences.
• Create a Relationship Bucket List – Brainstorm a list of things you’d like to do together in the future. Share ideas and dreams, even if you’re far apart. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive! simple, thoughtful activities can be just as meaningful.

Why It’s Valuable for Your Relationship: Willingness to work on yourself and the relationship shows commitment, flexibility, and an openness to growth. It fosters mutual respect and creates a foundation of trust, allowing your relationship to evolve as needed. When both partners are willing to adapt, the relationship becomes more resilient to challenges.

Why It’s Valuable for You Personally: Willingness to reflect on/work at/invest in in your relationship helps prevent stalemates in disagreements and releases tension tied to trying to control outcomes. It invites collaboration, reducing feelings of isolation, resentment, or frustration in the relationship. Being open to new experiences and feedback also relieves tension caused by rigidity or fear of failure, improving your mood and making you feel more optimistic.

Communication

• Practice Active Listening – Spend one conversation focused just on listening deeply to your partner’s thoughts without interrupting or offering solutions. Reflect back what you heard to show understanding.
• Use “I” Statements – During a conversation, practice using “I” statements to express your feelings (e.g., “I feel stressed when…” rather than “You stress me out”).
• Share Goals for the Week Ahead – Talk about what’s coming up and how you can support each other through tasks or challenges. It sets a tone of teamwork and care.

Why It’s Valuable for Your Relationship: Effective communication builds emotional intimacy and prevents misunderstandings. When both partners feel heard and understood, it creates a safe and supportive environment, enabling collaborative problem-solving and deeper connection.

Why It’s Valuable for You Personally: Being able to express your thoughts clearly and listen actively helps you process emotions and reduces feelings of isolation. Improved communication can bring more clarity to your daily life, strengthening relationships not only with your partner but with others. By addressing issues constructively, you can eliminate emotional tension and enjoy greater peace of mind

Consistency

• Show Up Daily – Make one small gesture to show love each day this week, like texting them good morning or making their favorite coffee.
• Revisit a Ritual – Reflect on past habits you enjoyed doing together and bring one back.
• Establish a Routine – Create a regular ritual together, like a weekly date night or daily check-in. Maybe it is one of the new habits you’ve developed during this challenge!

Why It’s Valuable for Your Relationship: Reliability in words and actions creates a safe and stable environment. When your partner knows they can count on you, it deepens trust and emotional security, fostering a relationship built on mutual effort and steady care.

Why It’s Valuable for You Personally: Being consistent strengthens your sense of integrity and boosts confidence as you see yourself following through on commitments. Daily, reliable habits provide structure, helping you remain grounded even during chaotic times. This stability reduces anxiety and fosters a calm, supportive environment for both you and your partnership.

Modifications

One partner may be more hesitant or unable to participate fully each day. It is designed so one partner can lead the challenge while still creating meaningful connection and positive impact. Whether you take on this challenge alone or with your partner, these activities are valuable and adaptable, ensuring your efforts contribute positively to your relationship.

• Lead by Example: Engage in the activities enthusiastically and share the benefits you feel from them.
• Make It Low-Pressure: Frame the challenge as a fun opportunity rather than a requirement. Respect their boundaries and adapt as needed.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge when your partner chooses to join, no matter how small the contribution. Small steps often go a long way
• Communicate Openly: Share your intentions behind the challenge—it’s about strengthening your bond, not creating expectations or pressure.

For Long-Distance Couples

For couples separated by duty, these activities can still work well with small adjustments. Letters, video calls, shared apps (like journal or list apps), and even mailing care packages can bridge the miles. Remember, creativity and consistency are key.

Through this challenge, the small, intentional acts of connection can create space for re-connection and partnership. Despite the unpredictability of military life, love and effort can pave the way for lasting strength.