Kids are curious! Their superpowers are observing and absorbing the world around them. It’s how they learn how to interact with the world and it’s amazing! But this superpower can also create some parenting challenges, especially when your family is struggling with something difficult like Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Kids often notice more than we think they do, and they create stories to make sense of the things they do not fully comprehend. It is important not to hide difficult things from kids, but to discuss them in ways that they can understand. While what you say may vary depending on age and developmental stage, you can use these steps to talk with your kid(s) about PTSD:
1) Share honest, age-appropriate information
Explain what PTSD is and what it looks like in your family. Describe symptoms as simply as possible. For example, “Dad had some scary things happen when he was away, and even though he is safe now, he still gets startled easily.”
2) Explain that your child isn’t to blame
Kids understand the world as it relates to them and therefore can assume that they are the cause of their adult’s reactions. Trauma responses can look like anger to a child. Let them know that they haven’t done anything wrong. For example, “I am having a hard time sleeping because of the scary thing that happened when I was away, so sometimes I am impatient with you. It’s not anything that you’ve done wrong, and I’m working on getting better sleep so I can be more patient with our family.”
3) Tell them what you are doing to address PTSD symptoms
Explain the steps you’re taking to recover and what they can do to support in the meantime. For example, “I am meeting with a therapist who is helping my PTSD to get better. Because I still get startled easily, could you knock on my door before you come in, so I know you are approaching me?”
4) Give them an opportunity to ask questions and share their feelings
They might not have questions right away but be sure to keep an open line of communication. Ask them to let you know how they are feeling and listen to any fears they might have. For example, “Do you have any questions about PTSD or what has been happening at home? Sometimes we feel scared when we don’t understand things, and we can talk about it anytime.”
Interested in learning more?
Here are some books you and your child can utilize to better understand PTSD in an age-appropriate way.
- For young families, consider: Why is Dad so Mad: A book about PTSD and military families, Why is Mom so Mad: A book about PTSD and military families, Why Are You so Scared: A child’s book about parents with PTSD and Hey Warrior.
- For teens, Finding My Way: A teen’s guide to living with a parent who has experienced trauma.
Additionally, there are resources for kids of all ages, including the MCEC Resource: Talking to Children about PTSD and the VA Resource Parenting and PTSD.
Ashley Jensen, LMFT
Senior Manager of Clinical Practice
Cohen Veterans Network
Cohen Veterans Network provides treatment for PTSD at all of our Cohen Clinics nationwide. Cohen Clinics specialize in treating military service members, veterans, and their families, and utilize evidence-based treatments for PTSD. Learn more about PTSD and how CVN can help.
Cohen Clinics can also help military children and teens with a number of mental health concerns, including limited focus or attention, grief and loss, life adjustment, anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and others. Find additional resources and learn more about our care for military kids.